That’s my question today. My husband is great. He’s very understanding. He sort of knows what is going on with me, but not fully. He doesn’t know any details. He knows about about Creepy Neighbor Alex. He doesn’t know about the others, just that there were others. He doesn’t know about my dad (I think, though he may suspect).
He never presses me for details but he does believe the more I can talk about things, the better I will end up feeling. He promises he will love me no matter what, and I do believe him. He’s always been very steady, one of the many things I treasure about him.
Should I just tell him about my dad? Should I wait until after our trip to visit family? I don’t want him to say anything to my dad or anyone in my family. But maybe he can be a good support during the trip. That’s just a side benefit though. Really what I feel I would gain by telling him everything–okay, maybe not everything, maybe just more than I have told him so far–is a deeper intimacy. But I am also afraid. He will still love me, yes, I believe it. But I fear he may still see me differently than he does now. Tarnished. Twisted.
Sage Burning 
I think go with your gut. What does the girl say. He won’t think that about you but about the bad people. X
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Hard one here. Like luverley says, go with your gut. We are as sick as our secrets and if you trust your husband to support you then that might be your answer. Whatever you decide I wish you the very best.
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I have no fear that he will think less of you: The only caveat I might raise to bringing it up before the trip is whether or not he is the sort of person who can calm down at short notice (and if not, how likely is he to get through the trip without maiming your dad… not that I consider that an all-bad outlook, but one with the potential to end badly for your husband).
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Q, when I “told” my hubby about the one biggest shameful things he did NOT look at me any differently. My fear was that he would be angry at my mother. And secretly he was. He later said he couldn’t visit her for over a month. So something to consider is timing and how will your husband respond to (during) the visit.
My other issue is that although I told, I shut down and only told a small piece of what happened and my hubby interpreted it wrong and twisted what I said to what he believes. He doesn’t understand. His words to describe what happened are that my mom prostituted me out to her boyfriends. And that is not what happened at all. Not even close. But I can’t correct him because that sounds better and more plausible. My situation is different because one can’t surmise what happened between my mother and I as they would between a father and a daughter.
So I don’t know.
It is up to you and especially the little girl. The little girl will most likely be out in full force during your visit. You need to care for her. So deeply ask yourself if she desires his protection and love. You have it either way but maybe she needs the secret to be out. After all, you probably wouldn’t be asking the question if you didn’t know the answer already?
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If you think that’s how he might look at you, maybe not telling him right now would be a good idea? Just my one cent…
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I think you should wait to tell your husband about your father till you are through with doubt. Only tell him what you are certain of and no longer doubt.
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Your husband loves you so much, and loves the little girl too. He will help care for her and believe her. She is safe with him.
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if he had thoughts of anyone being ‘tarnished or twisted’ it certainly wouldn’t be you dear one.
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[…] Even before the session, I decided not to tell my husband about my dad before the trip. There will be a lot of emotion and processing around that, and […]
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