Ever since my son’s discovery of this blog last spring, La Quemada just hasn’t been the same. As soon as I knew my son was reading everything I wrote, I couldn’t write freely any long. So after a bit, I went private. But that hasn’t been satisfying either, and it’s a big reason, I think, that I have posted so much less often over the past year.
So now what?
I considered just closing the blog… but I have such a soft spot for it. It’s contributed so much to my understanding myself and the nature of my illness and the impact of trauma on my life. In particular, it’s greatly reduced the shame I feel about my experiences. Everything I have shared has been met by warmth and acceptance, and this has genuinely strengthened me and allowed me to face things I once hid from.
Thank you, readers, for that. I am deeply, deeply grateful.
I’m just not ready to give up the blog. Maybe I’ll decide later that I am, but for now, I want to keep it, but not in the occasional, limited existence it’s had for the past year.
Instead, I’m going to change the name and url (and make sure I remove all incriminating photos!) and make it public again. I’m currently deciding on a new name and learning how to import at least some of the material from my current blog over to the new one. I’ll keep you posted before I move things, and I hope you’ll follow me and continue to comment in my new location.
I think I’ll give up La Quemada. It means “the burnt one” and although I did have a bit of a relapse in January and February this year, in general self-harm is not a coping strategy I use much longer. It doesn’t feel right as the site identity. However, I have become kind of attached to people calling me “Q” over the past several years. So I’m trying to think up a site name and url that still makes use of that Q and creates some sense of continuity–not like “Querulous” or “Questioning” but maybe more like “Healing Q.” Or I don’t know what exactly. I’ve also thought of things like “Living With the Scars” or “Tending the Wounds.” Suggestions are very welcome, if you are feeling creative! I want it to be something that resonates with where I’m at now, which is mostly doing better and sometimes slipping back into dark spaces and having to dig my way out again. (“Crawling Out of the Muck” fits but maybe doesn’t have the hopeful tone I’d like to establish.)
CREDIT: Photo by Ashley Rich on Unsplash
Sage Burning 
I’m not creative but I’ll definitely be following you!
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Thank you! I’m kind of excited to reinvigorate my blog.
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Can’t wait to see more of what you have to say under a new name. I’ve missed your regular blogs 💜
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Sounds like a great idea – and I’m also really glad that you’re feeling the mental energy to make this move. Being ready for new beginnings is a good sign.
Q is a tricky letter to find words for in english – maybe you could have it in the middle of a word, like unQuenchable or seQuel, or is there another spanish word starting with Q that appeals?
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Yep, I’m feeling quite a lot better, thank goodness, so I can finally start thinking about some of the projects I have completely ignored for months, like reinvigorating this blog. (Or cleaning out my closet. )
I am very uncertain about the new name, but I don’t want to obsess on it so long that I don’t end up starting the new blog. Maybe I should set myself a deadline of a week or something…
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I think it’s a good idea. Having someone read that you don’t want to be reading spoils it somehow. For myself, I have found people whom I know personally don’t want to read my blog. They may read for a while and then it’s like, “No, thanks.” They don’t really want to know.
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I think in many cases, if people aren’t experiencing something similar, reading mental health blogs might be a bit too unsettling. It’s a lot, to know how much people suffer, day in and day out, for months and even years. But those of us who are also going through it or have gone through it, we know what that’s like, and we can at least give each other some mutual understanding and compassion. So I can see why most people who know you might not want to know the details of how hard things can be.
With my son, though, he was learning a LOT of stuff about family history that I wasn’t necessarily prepared to share with him. Given he has a taste for gossip, 1) he loved getting the inside scoop and 2) I feel worried about him saying things to people that I don’t want said. So far that hasn’t happened, but mostly because he hasn’t spent a lot of time with family lately. I am still concerned that next a big family group is together, he might blurt out something I don’t want everyone to know. I cling, however, to the hope that comes from knowing he forgets details a lot, lol.
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So glad to hear from you and I’m glad you are going to keep blogging. Love and light x
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