I’ve been away from this blog now for longer than at any other time since I first started writing, three and a half years ago. And what have I learned from the break?
I’ve learned that I’ve missed it and want to come back.
There were reasons for the break, the primary one being E’s long vacation, followed by my own vacation. After going to therapy twice a week all year, suddenly we had nearly seven weeks with just a week in the middle to touch base. Not that we had seven weeks of vacation, but the way the timing fell, we are missing a lot of sessions. And part of my coping mechanism has been to try not to think too hard about how I’m doing, what I’m struggling with, and how much I might be missing E. It’s felt easier to just keep busy and put the emotional stuff in a box with a promise to come back to it later.
So I’m just back in the country, still jet lagged, still missing my luggage which appears to have not made the connection in Amsterdam. I’m hanging out at my sister’s for the day before I make the last leg of the journey home tonight, a bit in limbo, not quite ready to take on my backlog of email, to face what’s waiting for me. Instead, I’m starting to think about where I am emotionally and what work I want to do next.
Briefly, what lies ahead: more Effexor withdrawal (I’ve stayed at the same level for about a month now) and continued work with the sex therapist. With E, I will get support for both of those things, and if I don’t feel overwhelmed, I’d like to talk about attachment issues too. But we’ll see about that.
And I’ve realized that I really miss the support and community of WP. It’s been such a valuable place for me to process what I’m learning in therapy. I want to come back to my blog. And I want to come back to YOUR blogs, since I learn so much from others. In this time I haven’t been writing, I also haven’t been reading, and I notice that it’s made me feel more alone. And feeling alone can be a trigger for me (connection to those attachment issues again).
I’m very out of touch right now, but little by little, I’ll start to catch up. I hope no one feels angry about my absence. It hasn’t meant a lack of interest or caring, really, but I worry it may have felt that way to some of you, given that I used to read and comment almost daily. If I’ve inadvertently hurt anyone, I’m truly sorry.
CREDIT: Photo by Thomas Lefebvre on Unsplash