Hi dear WP friends, the few of you that are still hanging in with the private blog. I’ve been having lots of adventures lately, in real life and emotionally, and it’s been strange not to blog about them. But I’m limited by time and also by sense that this blog is not long for this world.
Today I’m sick in bed, and in the little bit of time during the day that I haven’t been sleeping, I’ve been thinking about 1) therapy and 2) this blog.
The therapy piece is a long story. Or maybe not–maybe it’s just more of the same thing, recognizing and acknowledging old wounds, learning to accept them, and reframing the messages about myself I took from those experiences. That’s what I seem to be doing, over and over, with minor variations and a deeper commitment each time around. I’m noticing the patterns better each time. I’m even noticing the way in which I want to resist getting better and managing to do it more of it myself, because that will eventually move me away from E.
The blog is also something I’m reluctant to give up. It’s got a lot of craziness in it, but it’s documentation of how far I’ve come, and all I’ve learned, and the way I’m coming to make peace with my internal world. I’m playing now with the idea of editing it a little and turning it, or parts of it, into a book. With the evolution of more options for self-publishing or on-demand publishing, I could do this and just have a few copies made. I could give one to E, keep one myself, maybe print a few others to share. Then when I shut it all down, there’s still something lasting out of it.
And yes, I’m still thinking of holding a little farewell party and probably starting a new blog. I haven’t done any real planning for this yet, because I have so much work for the next several weeks. However, by July I will have finished my current freelance contracts, so this summer might be the perfect time to take on this blog transition project.
CREDIT: Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash
Sage Burning 
My two cents worth? DO NOT delete it without making a copy of it all! It’s such a great reflection of your journey. Yes, a book containing some of it is a great idea (without putting too much pressure on yourself). I think feeling the urge to start a new blog is a very healthy, exciting sign… blessings, G x
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Interestingly, the book idea doesn’t feel like pressure. I’m still sick in bed, but to the degree I have the mental energy to do anything, I am downloading copies of my blog posts. (whereas I am not, for example, working on a deliverable for one of my clients). I think that’s a sign of some motivation, so I’ll continue to pursue the idea.
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I agree with the above….def make copies!
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I love the idea of a book. What a wonderful way to wrap up all of the progress you have made over the last few years.
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As I’m re-reading things that I posted three years ago, I have to say that even I am impressed with my own progress (and I’m not all that easy to impress).
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I love the book idea too. I’ve thought the same thing. Is there a relatively easy way to make copies? I think giving E a copy is a wonderful idea. Sometimes it’s hard for me to read what I wrote. Indeed we have come a long way. Hopefully you will let us in on your new blog. I’ve also thought about that. I actually started a blog on Medium but it disintegrated. I’m still in journaling through with yoga pictures mode instead of words. Hope you’re feeling better. 💜
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I don’t know yet how I’ll put the book together and make copies–that’s something I’ll investigate later this summer (I’ll let you know what I find out). For now, I am just starting to download copies of things I wrote.
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I’d really miss your blog. Your insights and self-understanding and calm in the storm are inspiring. I like the of a book. I think giving a copy to E would be a massively symbolic gesture. X
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Idea
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Today I’m not sure if she’d want a copy or not, so I will probably ask her before I do it. Imagine if I were to give it to her and her reaction was, “oh god, it was bad enough to listen to you be stuck on the same things over and over again the first time… why would I ever want to read about it?” Okay, she’d never say that to me. But it would also be awful if she felt that way about it! So maybe the book is just for myself or ??? who knows ???
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I would really miss your blog too. I also know there are posts I’ve always thought I’d come back to when I’m further in my journey to take more of your wisdom, insights and ideas for healing for younger parts from them. I think a book is a wonderful idea and such a symbolic thing to do because you’ve come so far. I also really get that feeling of moving away from our therapists as we learn to better care for ourselves, it’s so hard to know that is and will happen.
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What a kind thing to say, that you thought about coming back to some posts later. Maybe there’s a way I could send you a book… if, indeed, I do make it into a book. The idea of my experience being useful to anyone else on her own journey is incredibly touching and meaningful to me.
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*If* you make a book I would dearly love to have a copy. Your sharing of your experiences and your journey so far have been invaluable to me.
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I would BUY the book. I hope that no matter what you choose to do, we can stay in touch. I’ve grown so much from knowing you. You speak my language. Selfishly, i hope you don’t end this blog, but if you do, i, also selfishly, hope that you wi start a new one that you will tell me about.
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Oh for sure, Patty, if/when I start a new blog, I will tell you and all my other dear WP friends. I want to keep all these precious connections. I want all my same dear readers and commenters. I just want to lose one specific reader: my son (who asked me again the other day: why is your blog still blocked? I want to read your posts again.)
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A book is a great idea, there are company’s that turn photos into books, wonder if there is one that would do it with writing? I have re read lots of your posts over the years because they are well written and speak to me and my little parts. Particularly your stories from the house. I would definitely buy it as a book. Hope you are feeling better Q xx
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I was also thinking about some of those companies that make photo books, because you can make nice covers too. I actually explored that a little, but they don’t make it easy to put in a lot of text. I’m sure there are ways to do it though, and I’m kind of excited about it as a project I can start in the summer. Thanks for your encouragement, little fairy (my little girl self just loves your name, btw; she adores fairies).
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I would definitely buy the book!
I’m so sad about the end of this blog. I think it was the “believe the girl” campaign that really changed things for me a few years ago when I was coming to terms with my own memories. It helped me immensely to read about your experience and how you’d learned to trust yourself. It meant and means so much to me.
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Mwaw! (that’s the sound of me sending you a big air kiss)
The “believe the girl” campaign is what really started changing things for me, too. It was incredibly powerful just to ACT like I believed my story, even when I couldn’t let myself believe it.
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I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, and sharing in your struggle and journey. It would be sad to see the blog go, but I think we all have a season in our lives for everything. I would really enjoy a book version of your story, but I think a live ongoing version via a new (maybe even improved version) blog might be a better idea. However, you do you! You’ve definitely come a very long way, and have really showed such amazing resilience. I’m so glad to be able to share in your journey.
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“You do you!” I like it. I think it takes us a long time sometimes to learn to do ourselves in an authentic way, but it feels good when we do, doesn’t it?
P.S. I’m very glad we’ve shared in each other’s journeys as well. 🙂
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I have to say I don’t know that I would be able to continue writing once my blog no longer felt safe (aka annonymous) I wonder if there could be a middle ground? Could you edit some of your previous posts and make them public, while newer ones remain private? That way people searching for help (thats how I found this online community too, googling “I stuck at therapy”) can find you but you can keep it private. I don’t know, maybe that gets too complicated. Either way I appreciate being able to learn from you and the support you’ve provided.
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I’ve played with that idea, as well, actually. I really don’t want to give up this blog. But anything I make public, I have to be okay with my son reading it. He’s already asked me, “When are you going to let me read your blog again? I have it bookmarked.” So I have to be prepared for that, and I am not sure if I will ever feel comfortable about that. Anyway, I have postponed thinking about it for now because I have so much work to do for my consulting gigs, my garden, and my yoga certification.
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