Yesterday and today, my whole life is defined by medication changes. It’s all-consuming. I step back and look at myself in surprise, noticing
- I sleep in 15 minute increments, then wake up
- I can’t stop trembling or twitching, and it’s much worse in bed, when my muscles are more relaxed
- I’m cold, no, wait, I’m hot, no, I’m freezing cold; I’m sweating a lot
- The right side of my skull feels as though it’s being crushed
- I can’t concentrate
- I have somewhat more energy even though I’m tired
- I don’t feel depressed
It’s bizarre. It’s hard, but the fact that my mood is lighter gives me hope. The trembling is so bad that I can hardly type. But underneath all strangeness, there is that sense that I might be okay emotionally, and I’m grasping at that, reaching to pull it through my foggy brain and tuck it securely into my heart.
Sage Burning 
Hi, Q. You’ve been on my mind. Medication changes can be so hard. You are a warrior, my friend. Please be patient with yourself. šš
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Thanks for the kind comments, Patty. I am trying to be patient with myself, which these days means don’t set up any particular expectations.
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Sure glad you see some hope in all of this,letter. You are so strong, even when you don’t feel that way.
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I’m hearing how discombobulated you feel right now. I hope these side effects pass quickly and that the medication will be beneficial for you. You sound cautiously hopeful even amidst all of these side effects.
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Thanks, Sophia. I am cautiously hopeful. And things are starting to settle down, except for sleep.
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Q, many of the symptoms you describe above are the symptoms of withdrawal and they’re so, so painful. My heart and thoughts are with you as you go through this transition. I was not taking the same dose you’re taking and I remember the hell I went through so I can only imagine what it is you’re feeling. Hold on, Q. Hold on.
I remember needing to remind myself every half an hour that what I was experiencing was not inherently me. And I want to say the same to you. Gently. Kindly. Lovingly. This is not you. These are not all your thoughts. It’s the medication and the withdrawal, love. That’s what is making this feel so unbearable. You are experiencing hell, but it not innate. It’s the chemicals. Hold on, Q.
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That is also not to negate all the challenges that come with depression, anxiety, trauma and PTSD.
Hold on, Q. Sending tenderness, care and kindness towards you and all you’re experiencing. It is hell.
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Thank you so much, Audree. I appreciate your understanding and empathy. It means a lot.
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Medication changes are tricky and can be so disorienting. Sending you peace and rest xx
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I’ve been in a similar place and it’s though. Hoping things will even out for you soon.
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I read this and thought, yup, a multitude of conflicting symptoms but right now they’re not tearing you down. The mood is different, some sort of shift almost, even for a little bit and it lets you feel lighter and buffer the full brunt of life’s blows. That reprieve is so vital for the healing process, for peace of mind. Good for you.
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Yes, even a bit of a reprieve is very welcome. I’m grateful to have at least a few days off from wanting to die.
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I’m glad you feel lighter, that is a god sign. I’m not on medication for mental health, but when I’ve done med changes for my fibromyalgia, it is rough! I’m sorry you are going through this. I know it’s not easy. I really hope things have evened out somewhat for you by now. Xx
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[…] Why yes, you have. I’ve been writing about this since January, when I climbed out of my bed (barely) to go to my first appointment with my new psychiatric nurse practitioner, Tabitha. She raised her eyebrows at the high dose of venlafaxine (Effexor) I’d been taking. So since then, I’ve complained about theĀ agitated mindĀ I experienced when I first decreased my dose. LaterĀ I wrote aboutĀ suicidal thoughts and spending too much time in bed.Ā And there was a post about how I couldn’t think about anything else. […]
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