When I had a baby and a two-year-old, and they were both crying, and I hadn’t slept enough, and their father wasn’t home, I used to tell myself, “It’s a phase; they’ll get older and it won’t be as intense.”
When one of them kept biting other kids at daycare, and I recited every day, “Friends are not for biting. Friends are for playing and hugging,” I told myself, “It’s a phase, he’ll learn.”
When one of them regressed in his toilet training when anxious and I was always washing out dirty underpants, the story to myself again was, “It’s a phase; he can’t do this forever.”
Similarly when everyone had the flu and I was gagging as I rinsed vomit off sheets in the bathtub, when a teacher said that the drawings of airplanes with bombs meant I had a violent child, when one developed a phobia of elevators, car alarms and bees… the phrase got me through all the hardest parts of parenting small children. Not to say I ignored these challenges, but only that I kept in mind that they wouldn’t last forever.
This needs to be my mindset about the depressive episode I’m experiencing. It’s dark. It’s so, so lonely. It’s confusing. I get nothing done. I feel guilty about that. I’m boring. Everything hurts. I’m empty. I’m numb. I have body sensations that don’t fit what I am doing. I think obsessively about harming myself, killing myself, even as I’m determined not to do it.
And it’s a phase. It can’t last forever, even when it feels like it. Something will change. It’s hard to wait until it goes away, but it will go away. I can breathe, and let myself feel the loneliness, the emptiness, the hopelessness. It doesn’t feel good, but it’s the truth of where I am right now.
Sage Burning 
You’re right. It won’t last forever. And it’s so hard when you’re in the middle of it to remember that. You’ve got this.
LikeLike
It’s like a mantra I’ve been telling myself: this can’t go on forever.
Thanks for consistently commenting, PD. It really means a lot. It helps against the sense of isolation.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m glad that I can help by being here. Thank you for writing and updating us on how you’re doing. Xx
LikeLike
yes, all these phases throughout our lives. i have so many unhelpful feelings related to that. my depression takes form in negativity, isolation and self anger (really i am angry at everyone and everything but not actually because i know it’s just me). what if life is just a series of phases. what if each phase is just so exhausting and we are just so tired?
LikeLike
I suppose in that case we need a phase for R E S T. Yes?!?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t know, possibly.
LikeLike
Hey Q, been keeping up with your posts but not commenting much. Know that I’ve been thinking of you a lot, and sending as much strength and warmth as I can. Yes, this is just a phase, but it’s a long one, and it sucks, and I just want to validate that. Even if it just is a phase, feeling stuck in it is terrifying and helpless-feeling, and it’s okay to feel that way.
I’m glad that you’ve been able to be safe. I see you taking one step at a time, just doing the next right thing, and that’s incredibly strong. Please know that.
Hugs xoxoxo
LikeLike
Lily, I know you are up against a lot right now. Thanks for taking the time to comment–I treasure each comment, truly. And thank you for recognizing that even if I know it’s a phase, it can feel eternal and overwhelming while I’m in the middle of it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much for sharing this. I have a “this will pass” similar phrase. I am so sorry you are so down now. I’m going through what a call a serious slump. It just sucks. It so sucks. I hope it passes for you soon!!!!
LikeLike
It does suck! I hope your serious slump passes soon, too. May we both find some peace of mind.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s a phase, but it’s not an easy one and you are so strong to be dealing with it. Sending you love and supportive thoughts and hugs. 💟
LikeLike
I haven’t felt strong at all; quite the opposite! It’s hard not to feel weak and defeated. But here I am, still here, so I guess not entirely defeated.
LikeLike
I think hanging in there when you feel so bad is what makes you strong. You aren’t defeated– you ARE still here. 💟
LikeLike
Yes, this is not permanent and it won’t last forever. I am so glad you are reminding yourself of that. It really will change, it has to. And your acceptance is really going to serve you. I’m feeling a lot of tenderness for your pain. I care, Q.
LikeLike
Thank you–even the word tenderness is so touching. I think it’s what my wounded self needs.
LikeLike
a great reminder, I think I need to keep it in mind when I am struggling. I’m sorry things are still hard for you q. Sending love and hugs. xxx
LikeLike
I never find you boring, Q. It seems so wrong to me that you’re lonely, because anybody would be lucky to have you as a friend.
LikeLike
Spot on! And after this phase there’ll be others. Thank you for the reminder; it’s too easy to forget
LikeLiked by 1 person