Pull The Fire Alarm

Could someone pull the alarm? There’s something not right here. Snippets of songs play themselves over and over in my head, the same few bars, weird thing I haven’t thought of in ages, from Jesus Christ Superstar, from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, for god’s sake. I’m hot, restless. I crawl into bed and can’t slow down the growing intensity of the negative voices. They really, really hate me tonight.

It’s really like someone started a fire in my brain, and the normal connections are fried. Smoke will start pouring out my nose, ears and mouth any moment. Sound the alarm. Call the fire brigade–or perhaps an exorcist?

I tell my husband that I don’t know why it’s so bad tonight. He tries to make me laugh, while I contemplate burning myself, just a burn on my arm to counter the one in my head.

And then I think, wait, did I…? I run to the kitchen. Shit, I forgot to take my Effexor and Wellbutrin this morning. Ugh. It’s going to be a long, restless night. The fire will probably go out by noonish tomorrow, but I’ll have a sick stomach all day. It’s not the first time I’ve made this mistake, you see. At least I know what awaits me.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, really?




  1. Ugh. I hope you did manage to get some good sleep. I have a complicated triple-reminder system about taking my meds, involving not only sticky notes but also the placement of the pill bottles, and yet I still sometimes forget. Take care.


    • I know, I have a system and I have my husband (usually) reminding me, and yet I still sometimes forget. It’s most often on a day that doesn’t have the usual routine. Anyway, I recovered and am doing well again. Thanks for commenting, and for your understanding.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Ugh, forgetting medications is the worst!! Whenever I forget my ADHD medication, I feel like crap the next day. I hope you didn’t struggle too badly!


    • No, not too bad. As I said to Rachel (above), I ignored the instructions (which says to wait until the time for the next dose) and took a half dose that night. It’s the first time I tried that, and it seemed to help a lot. NOT that I am recommending this for others–it might depend so much on what you are taking and who you are and what you need. But for me it reduced the withdrawal symptoms and helped me get back to a more stable position faster.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m glad that your medication usually helps quiet the voices, and glad you were able to realise you’d forgotten your medication even through the smoke and fire. For me, understanding why bad things are happening makes them easier to ride out. Did the voices say worse things than usual, or did it get harder to meet them with compassion for yourself?


    • They were pretty much the usual, but more unrelenting, harder to quiet even with a compassionate response. They were really taking over my thinking. I think I need both compassion and medication to be okay.

      Liked by 1 person

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