(Day 3 of Be Brave)
How active you are lately. You drive Q back to bed in the morning. You send her thoughts ricocheting around her head, like multiple ping pong balls bouncing against walls. You make her arms tingle as spiders creep from her hands to her elbows. You make her damn vagina tingly and shaky.
Q used to try to beat you down, force you to be quiet, even burn you away. But she is learning that you aren’t her enemy; you aren’t trying to hurt her. You just try to alert her to something that isn’t right. You make a lot of noise but you’re not always specific about the problem. But I’m not sure what you are trying to tell her right now. If you could make it clearer, I might be able to console you.
I’m wondering if letting Anger express herself is frightening you? If that’s it, here’s what I can tell you: it’s safe to express Anger the way we are, by writing or by painting and cutting and gluing those poor doll babies. This won’t threaten us or others. It’s okay and safe to be Angry. We are all safe now.
But it might be something else. I’ve started to realize how much Q holds in her body, memories and fears and the work of repressing emotions for so many years. We are trying to attend to her body, attending yoga classes, taking warm showers, and getting a massage when she can. I believe this body work will help you (and all of us), in time, but I understand it won’t work immediately.
I will keep on trying to help you. You don’t need to be so activated, on such high alert. You have helped all of us a lot, but you can rest now. And then maybe you can give Q some rest as well. What I won’t do is allow Q beat you down anymore. And I’m not going to be afraid of you . Let’s work together.
Love from the Wise Woman