Dear Little One,
Much of this past week, or more, I’ve spent worrying about the return of Doubt. Remember her? She was the snide one who spent a lot of energy telling us not to believe your story of childhood sexual abuse. She tried to use logical arguments and the absence of concrete evidence to call it all a lie.
Yes, I expect you remember her all too well. She’s certainly beaten you up enough times, verbally if not physically. She’s made you hide, sometimes for years at a time.
Well, now she’s been officially gone for 70 days, despite repeated efforts to sneak back early. Hasn’t that been a relief? It has been for me. Lately I’ve noticed though I haven’t let her come back early, just the idea of dealing with her again has sucked too much of my attention away from you.
I want you to know that you still matter to me. In fact, my preoccupation with Doubt is based in my conviction that I need to protect you from her. But I know you need more than that from me. You need me to listen to your story, over and over again, to validate your feelings and fears, to reassure you that you are safe now and that I don’t blame you for anything that happened.
Tomorrow in therapy with E., I’ll be talking about Doubt again. But then that’s it. Then even if I have to lock her in a closet for a while, I’ll do it, so I can spend time with you. I promise. You matter to me.
your older, wiser self,