We went to the opera tonight, my husband and I. I hadn’t been in years, but I used to go semi-regularly. My father started taking me when I was in my teens. We saw mostly Italian operas, sometimes French. I mostly skipped out on the German ones and am not a fan of Wagner, though my dad was.

So I remember that and think, hm, my dad was a nice guy. He loved music and culture and gave me opportunities to share in that. He took me to nice restaurants. He encouraged me to jump at opportunities to travel. Surely such an urbane, cultured man wouldn’t…

Nah, that’s bullshit. Really. Some urbane, cultured men abuse their daughters. Besides, he was not really all that cultured. Some of it was just for show (though he really does love opera). More than cultured, I think my father has always been a hedonist. Everything is about his pleasure, in the moment, and never mind about the impact on the people around him. And although he was at times generous, he was not in fact nice.

My husband, on the other hand–he is a nice guy And I love him dearly–no need for a magic elixir.