Day 9 – The Restoration (?) Project

I’ve been working extra intensively these past six months because I had a huge deadline at work on June 30. I pushed myself to keep going despite my depression and exhaustion, because there was no possibility of extending the deadline, and because it was work I cared about. Some days I thought I couldn’t keep going, but I would tell myself, It’s all right–you are going to take off a week in early July, and it will be all about restoring yourself.

(I do realize that powering through a depression and exhaustion probably made the situation worse, but whether that was the right approach or not, I felt that is what I had to do.)

I have built myself a little schedule–not too restrictive–with yoga classes and gardening and a day at the beach, along with a consultation with my doctor and a few self-care appointments. I’ve left time for writing in my journal, maybe painting a little. I plan to give the girl some time and space to express herself, if she wants to. I have been reading more about medication and vitamins and foods that may help protect against depression. I’ve been thinking of it as my little self-restoration project.

When I write that now though, it doesn’t make all that much sense. I’m not really trying to restore myself because I don’t have a sense of a healthy self that I’ve just allowed to run down a little. A fresh coat of paint to cover up the dings in the wall won’t take care of it. It’s the wrong metaphor. Maybe it’s more like hitting a reset button, getting myself in a position to start again with my attempt to build a healthy self.  Perhaps it’s a shedding of a skin that doesn’t fit me any longer. Or maybe it’s–I don’t know what it is. I’m tired and somewhat depressed, and I don’t want to feel that way anymore. I don’t want it to be so much work to slog through my life.

CREDIT:  Photo by Umanoide on Unsplash 


  1. I have a thought. How about a rebirth. Get it…the child, being reborn!! Okay, so it’s a bit lame. Anyways, I sent you an email a while back. Also I am still working on your letter, I’ll add something in about compassion and being reborn into your healthy adult self. Love Ya

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for letting me know about the email – I forget to check that email account.

      No, being reborn as a healthy self is not lame. If we think of all of these ideas of “wounded child” and being reborn, or using the knowledge of the wise woman inside of us, if we just recognize it’s all a series of metaphors we can use to remind us of the possibility of thinking about ourselves differently, then none of it is lame at all.

      I was about to say “sending you hugs” but I am so sweaty right now in this heat that I would feel bad to inflict that on you! How about I send much affection to you and to the little girl inside you, about whom I have no ambivalent feelings, just belief and concern.
      — Q.

      Liked by 1 person

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