Day 8 of Believing the Girl – An Exchange of Letters

Dear Q,

I have to remind you that you are a cowardly, self-centered bitch. You think way too much about what a poor victim you are and how you have had it oh so hard. What a crock. You are among the most privileged people in the world–a well-educated middle class white woman in the United States. Get over yourself already. So your boundaries were violated. Doesn’t that happen to tons of people, physically and emotionally? You think you are unique? You think it matters? You whine too much, poor, poor you. And yet you are too afraid to even use your real name! Furthermore, you can’t face facts. You try to cover up times you acted like an idiot slut and pretend like they were instances of victimization. You…

(loud throat clearing noise to signal an interruption) ahem!

Dear Random Negative Rants,

Enough already. I get it, you have been trying to keep me from fixating solely on one aspect of my life; you’re trying to make sure I don’t fall into the pit of self-pity. But your approach and tone are simply not constructive. In fact, your words just make things worse. I have listened to you for years, and you don’t even vary what you say very much. I think I got the message by now. So I don’t need you anymore. You are officially relieved of your duties.

Please have your desk cleaned out by noon today. I’d appreciate it if you don’t leave anything personal behind.




    • Yes, exactly! Since I agreed with E. that I would *really* believe the girl at least through the month of July, and I’m trying to stick to it, I am noticing how much active work it is nearly every day to hang on to that and to banish all the negative thoughts. It’s not enough to say, “ok, now I will just believe her.” I have to consciously monitor my thinking patterns and stop the ones that lead me in a negative direction. The interesting thing is that I’m finding writing about it on the blog is very helpful.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes writing about it is therapy in itself! It has helped in a way that I can’t even articulate; allowing me to put all the pieces together and see things I never saw before.


  1. Q, I’m Still working on my “letter” to you in response to this post. It just so touched me and I know what you would tell me and I’m so excited to find out what self compassion will eventually bring to you.

    Liked by 2 people

    • It’s sort of tongue-in-cheek but sort of real, too. I don’t always wholeheartedly and immediately believe all the positive things I say in my various letters to self, but with each letter, I strengthen the wise and compassionate voice inside my own head. It has been helping.

      Liked by 1 person

      • An old therapist used to say “fake it til you make it”. Your comment reminds me of that. Sometimes if we can pretend to feel and believe something, it actually moves us closer to genuinely feeling and believing it.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.