Day 6 – Oops, Sidetracked

I messed up my anti-depressants last night. That is, I ran out of one without realizing it. So although early in the evening I was centered and focused on my task of believing the little girl, later on my attention shifted to what happens to my mind and body from missing even a single dose. Can’t fall asleep. Random thoughts crash around inside my skull. Can’t fall asleep. Finally fall asleep. Wake up 20 minutes later. It’s too hot. No, that’s the weather not the medication. Fall asleep. Wake up 30 minutes later. Read a little. Fall asleep. Wake up 20 minutes later. Dang, it’s going to be a long night. Repeat for many hours. Dream about fish. Surprise the dogs when I get up just after 4am and go to the bathroom. Hm, garden looks beautiful in this early morning summer light. Go back to bed. It’s 4:30. Did I sleep? Look at the clock at 4:40. Look at the clock at 5:15. Etc.

Alarm goes off at 7am. Definitely not rested. Sick to my stomach. Feel, weirdly, much less depressed than most mornings when I wake up. Feel nauseous all day; eat only carbs at lunch, get sick afterwards. Accomplish very little at work. Friend and colleague asks, “are you ok today?” Head in a fog. Count the minutes until I can go home. Come home, fall on the couch, doze until dinner. No insightful therapeutic progress this evening. Just going through the motions until bedtime.

I hope the little girl will be ok to wait until tomorrow for some love and attention.

On the plus side: While I am at work, my husband goes to the pharmacy and waits around to make sure they refill my meds for tonight, proving yet again that that day I randomly met him on the internet was a very lucky day, indeed.


    • Yes, I think you are right. E. (my therapist) tells me the same thing–as long as I tell her I won’t forget her, that I will come back to her, and then make sure I really DO come back to her, then she can wait. But if I don’t come back, she will make herself felt in other ways, through depression or anxiety.

      Liked by 3 people

  1. Yes. Your little girl can wait. She can actually be with you wherever, just you cannot pay total attention to her. But she can be by your side. Even when you don’t feel well, she can be there.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Haven’t missed my meds for some time now….so like to think one day wouldn’t make any difference. Thanks for reminding me that it will!


      • I had this same problem when I took Celexa. And weaning off Celexa, I thought I might die. But, now I’m on Cymbalta and a missed dose seems to be no big deal.

        Liked by 1 person

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