Hello little one,
You were told to be quiet, my dear. And you followed those instructions so well, didn’t you? You wanted to be good, and you wanted to protect him, and so you were quiet and kept everything a secret.
Today I want to tell you that we are going to separate two things: loving your family and keeping quiet. Go ahead and keep on loving your family. That’s a good thing. You can love them and know that they love you too.
But you don’t need to be quiet anymore. You don’t need to protect any grown-ups. Since they are grown-ups, it’s their job to take care of themselves. Kids don’t have to take care of grown-ups. And kids don’t have to keep secrets for grown-ups. It’s ok to talk about things that happened to you, even if someone told you not to. It doesn’t mean you are bad or disloyal. It doesn’t mean you will get in trouble.
It’s very important, little one, to be able to tell your truth. It’s part of being a healthy, balanced, happy person, which is what I wish for you.
Your own truth is not what someone else says it is. It is your experience, your thoughts, your feelings, and your dreams and desires. Those things make up your truth, and I give you loving permission to know it and tell it.
Love from
the older, wiser Q.
Sage Burning 
Sorry you had to go through this, but writing a letter is one of the best ways to recovery. It
reinforces the fact that 1) it wasn’t your fault, 2) adults weren’t very responsible 3) how long you had to carry this pain 4) how YOU had to take care of yourself and 4) realize how strong you are now.
So proud of you, as a survivor myself, and writing is so cathartic. Hugs,
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Thank you for your support and kind words. I agree, letters are helpful. I think I will be writing quite a number of them… I’m not done yet!
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I don’t know who is supposed to take care of who,, but one thing I do know. You’ve got to take care of yourself, no one else will. Speak the truth, shout it out from the rooftop, silence led nowhere, maybe noise will..
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This is so so touching.. a lot of girls fell prey if child abuse and they never speak up.. your letter conveys this so beautifully
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I love this: “Your own truth is not what someone else says it is. It is your experience, your thoughts, your feelings, and your dreams and desires. Those things make up your truth, and I give you loving permission to know it and tell it.”
Not at all compared to sexual abuse but the other day someone tried to belittle me by asking me what I had accomplished in my life. Normally I would internalize their words and believe them, as if that was my “truth”.
Instead, I stood up for myself and told that person that it doesn’t matter what that person thinks of me, I know my worth doesn’t depend on their version of success. I have my own version. And I really felt that. I felt like my feet were rooted in the ground below me and that I really believed (for first time with this particular person) my truth, my worth.
Love this letter. Cuídate mucho.
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Good for you! It actually IS comparable to sexual abuse. I think there are many ways that other people can separate us from our truth. (My first husband was a master at that.) It is a gigantic leap forward when we can learn to let others have their views (malicious or maybe just ignorant or oblivious) and not let them hurt us.
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